Doctor Neha: Hi everybody and welcome back because this is actually going to be part two of the last video that we just recorded and it’s because I realized as soon as I got off that we needed to talk more about the money aspect of your passion in the world, and Christin asked about it. This is Christin, by the way.

Christin: Hi.

Doctor Neha: So she asked how do you get aligned with what you want to do? How do you find your true calling and passion in the world and can you make good money at it? We got from heal me to serve we to impact the world as being the big structure. You have to first find out what in you needs the deepest healing. For me, it was learning how to communicate and communicate effectively with other people, especially in conflict, to know myself well enough that I can articulate it to other people. As soon as I learned that, I then thought to myself, how can this serve others? Then I looked around the world, and I saw passive aggressiveness, gossip, power and hierarchy, toxic work cultures, people being in relationships that have long since expired. And I realized, Oh my God, there are so many ways every day to help other people. That’s the “serve we” part of this. Then I realized, I actually care about world peace and this would take us one step closer to that. I’m going to do my part to heal me, serve we, and impact world through communication. So that’s the model that we talked about last time and, Christin, what did you learn about yourself around what you’re most passionate about?

Christin: I’m most passionate when I experience an exchange between myself and another person and that person is able to move forward from one place to where they want to go.

Doctor Neha: So you love being a catalyst for transformation in other people.

Christin: Yeah.

Doctor Neha: And the good part is you also like to do your own work because there are some people who want to give everybody else advice but aren’t willing to do their own work. But you’re one of the people who’s like the real deal. You want to do your own work and you want to help other people.

Christin: That was a really good observation. Yes.

Doctor Neha: So now what about the money aspect? What about making good money? Doing what you love. How many of you out already know what it is you’d love to do, but you don’t think you can make good money at it? So, in effect, you sell your soul in exchange for a paycheck. Now there’s a real and practical aspect to this of you’ve got a family, you’ve got bills to pay, there are real and practical aspects. So I’m not telling you to just jump off the cliff and a parachute will happen on your way down. But if you think about what heals you, serves others, and impacts the world, that’s one end. Watch the last video for that.

Now, part two is about our relationship to money. A lot of times women get paid less than men. So there’s a discrepancy there. The question then becomes, is there a self-worth discrepancy? Money is energy; it’s an exchange of energy. And it’s us asking for and only accepting that which we believe is okay. Because in the end we apply for a job, someone gives us how much they’re going to pay us and we say, “Okay, where can I sign?” And every two weeks, no matter how upset you are in your job, you’re still accepting that exchange in your bank account. So you have made an agreement with somebody else that this is what you’re worth. So my hope is that your gifts and skill set fit a need of an organization, number one. And number two that you feel good about the money that’s coming in as your exchange of energy.

So Christin, let’s take you as an example here. When I explore money in the groups that I lead for women, money is a hot button topic for stress for people. And a lot of that is because they haven’t explored their relationship to money. So would you be willing to be the Guinea pig to do a little bit of that?

Christin: Of course.

Doctor Neha: All right. So let’s start by you just answering these questions as honestly as you can.

Christin: Okay.

Doctor Neha: How would you describe your family’s financial circumstances as you grew up?

Christin: Sure. My family’s financial circumstances—both of my parents were teachers. My mom actually worked multiple jobs. She was a single mom early on; she had children pretty young, so she learned to work hard. They lived check to check. They believed in credit. And when payday came around, there was a red book that had all of the bills itemized in it. They checked off when they paid the bills. Each parent had a role. Mom took on utilities and food. Dad took on the car and the mortgage. So there was a separation of bills as well. And everything was itemized, and everyone knew that on payday here’s what needs to happen.

Doctor Neha: So you had a very organized household with very clearly divided roles. It sounds like your parents were hard working. They were in service in the world and it was hard. It wasn’t like there was an abundance of money. It was like money was a thing that was on your mind.

Christin: Absolutely. And it was communicated to both my sister and me that when we turned 16, we were responsible for everything outside of food and shelter. So the day that we turned 16, we had to have a job to cover anything else that we wanted to do, including getting to and from school. So that transfer of how you valued money was transferred very early on.

Doctor Neha: So tell me who was the saver, who was a spender, who was impulsive? Who was mindful? Who invested?

Christin: Did you say “invest”? Who could invest?

Doctor Neha: There wasn’t money to invest, right?

Christin: No. My mom, she was a spendthrift so she would wear and still wears clothes that I gave her 10 years ago. She loves the restores and consignments, and she believes everything has value. And my father….The only person in my immediate family who had money—it’s an uncle. He was a VP of a bank, but there was always a distance in that relationship. And it was like, “Oh my gosh. He has a healthy exchange for/of money. He has a surplus; he has an abundance.” You could see it in the jewelry and the clothes and the travel and the home. But it didn’t directly impact my life.

Doctor Neha: And what did you say about your dad?

Christin: He was a teacher and, you’re right, their lives were pure service to the church, to school organizations, to mentorship. They gave—and gave and gave of themselves.

Doctor Neha: So what a great question that you asked in our last video, is it possible to be able to serve and have money? Because really what you’re saying is do I have to sell my soul and not do that thing I love in order to make good money or can I love what I do? And can I merge my parents with my uncle?

Christin: Yes.

Doctor Neha: So this is about money history. So if I was going to go through a whole history with you, I’d ask how you spent holidays, birthdays in the household, did you feel celebrated—and if you did, did you get the gifts you wanted? I would ask about chores and if you’ve got an allowance, what you were taught about people who are rich and people who are poor, and how it all fleshed out. That’s called a money history. You just did a great job starting us down that path. What are some aha’s for you? What connections are being made right now about how that relates to you now?

Christin: It is an aha that I’ve never seen. For me, if I can see something even just in my head, it can be a place of faith for me and I can attain it. But in this conversation, it became clear to me that I don’t even have a tangible picture to envision in my mind of how I could meld my uncle’s income or beyond with doing what I love.

Doctor Neha: Your uncle’s income is just a symbol of abundance.

Christin: Yes.

Doctor Neha: You get to define what that actually is. You had someone in your life with whom you saw the tangible experience of abundance, so that will elicit how it felt and the desire for it.

Now your money history tells you where your ideas about money came from. And then there’s your current relationship to money. So tell me what money gives you.

Christin: Freedom.

Doctor Neha: Freedom.

Christin: Time, freedom, time to spend with my children, freedom to work on myself more, to read books and do classes, freedom to care for what God has given me already and is in my stewardship, and to celebrate and be with friends, and to travel and see other cultures, to see how other people live. That is the value that money gives.

Doctor Neha: How beautiful. So here’s the deal: Your parents believed in debt and they believed in living check to check. Do you find that in yourself?

Christin: I don’t want to, but I feel I’m trying to break that vibration they had.

Doctor Neha: Want to start by saying, “My money history taught me about my current relationship with money. Now I get to create this tangible new vision. I can change that.” You are somebody, from the moment I met, you are deeply in service to whomever you are with. You are present; you are connected. You would make an incredible coach, leader, mentor, whatever it is you decide on this path is the right piece for you. It’s going to be incredible. Now I want to ask you another question on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is uncomfortable and 10 is very comfortable. How comfortable are you in relation to receiving money from someone else?

Christin: I’m getting better. I learned a valuable lesson from my sister about a year and a half ago. She was trying to give me something, and I kept saying, “Oh no, no, no, no, no, it’s okay.” And the lesson was you block the other person’s blessing if you don’t allow them to give. And it opened up my world to see that I certainly didn’t want to block anyone else’s ability for increase; I also had to give myself grace to say, “You’re worth pouring into.”

Doctor Neha: I can feel that in my heart. That’s the piece on self-worth. Yes, we can balance. Isn’t it more interesting to balance getting something for yourself as it is to serve other people. What you use [that balance] for? Well, that really touched me. Thank you for that.

Around money, there’s some cultural aspect of it, which is a mind-set of lack.

Christin: Yes.

Doctor Neha: That there’s not enough, and I need more. And if I have more, that means [someone else] gets less. One of the people whom I learned about money from is Lynne Twist. Do you know Lynne Twist?

Christin: No, I have not heard that name.

Doctor Neha: I have her book sitting here since we decided to do the second part of this. The Soul of Money.

Christin: I did read the book. Yes. I listened to it on audible.

Doctor Neha: Okay. I love Lynne’s philosophy, her own energy around the flow of money. She’s practical; she’s spiritual. She’s deeply connected to money and the power of money when it is used in a way to heal because we all know money can be used in a way to destroy.

Christin: Yes, you’re exactly right. I’ll pick that back up. I was listening to her book on audible and I think I made it through the first chapter.

Doctor Neha: Oh, she’s amazing. The second one is The Art of Money by Bari Tessler. I brought this up because in 2008 I started my money journey with her. She taught me things like make a list. “Oh, budgeting, that sounds awful.” She said, “Well that’s because you put things like rent down and you put things like food down. Tell me why those matter.” And I said, “Home, it’s my sanctuary. It’s like my safe place.” And she said, “Great. Next to the amount I want you to strike out rent and I want you to write ‘creating a sacred home, a sanctuary,’ because that’s what you value and that’s why you’re willing to exchange this money for it.” She taught me that it wasn’t really about those categories in the budget but about what I valued about those categories. Another one is The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth; there are some really great questions in there. I hope that gives you some resources to start exploring not only your money history, but also your relationship with money so that you can get a clearer idea of why sometimes you pick up the whole bill instead of sitting in the discomfort of asking everybody, “How would we like to handle this at the end of dinner?”

Christin: Yes, I agree.

Doctor Neha: So Christin, what are your takeaways?

Christin: Thank you for the educational resources. I will pick those back up. Understanding my value and really attaching the values to words that represent my values. And what’s connected to my past doesn’t have to be that way. The other big takeaway is that it’s limitless. I’ve always felt that there is so much abundance and wealth; God has given us so much wealth on this earth that there’s enough for everyone. You’re not detracting from someone else if you gain more. So thank you for this.

Doctor Neha: You are so welcome. For all of you out there, remember that money is energy and the exchange of money is an exchange of energy. Your gifts and skillset just need to meet the needs of an organization. And if they don’t, then maybe you need to start an organization that does just that. What is your money history? How did you learn about money? What is your current relationship to money and what do you want your relationship to money to be? So thank you, Christin. Thank you for sharing your life and your experiences and uh, yeah, here’s to each one of us believing in ourselves, believing in abundance and believing in our own self-worth.

Awareness Prescription
Collecting Your Money History

  1. What were your family’s financial circumstances growing up?

  2. Who was the saver, spender, investor, impulsive, mindful, etc.?

  3. Whose money habits do you see in yourself most?

  4. How comfortable are you receiving money from someone else?

  5. What does money give you?

Doctor Neha

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